well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
