She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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