You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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