Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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