New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
