My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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