my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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