On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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