well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
