This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
