I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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