Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
