it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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