3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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