Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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