weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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