I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
