it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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