Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
