Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
