There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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