i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
