just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
