where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
