I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
