Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
How's work?
Spinning.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
