God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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