like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
