my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
