i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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