It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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