I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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