Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
