i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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