So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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