dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
