Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
