we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
