in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
