Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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