put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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