Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
