Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
