i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
