1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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