I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
