i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
