woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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