I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
