I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
