saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
