on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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