remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
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You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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