I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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