u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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