Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
