I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize