I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
