Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
