she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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