Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
