A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
