yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
