I puked a lego.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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