I am in a vortex of obligation.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
