Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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