I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
