I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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