wakey wakey hands off snakey
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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