college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
