my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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