she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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