I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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