woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
